This morning I woke up extremely early, about 4am, because I had a startling yet comforting dream.  The dream took place in my home where I spent most of my life and my parents still live.  In the home, in my dream were my parents, my sister, my brother and sister-in-law and my niece.  I dreamed four tornadoes spawned in the field across the street from ours as I was looking out the front window.  We all hurried downstairs to the basement and I ran to the window at the back of the house knowing the tornadoes were passing over.  I prayed out loud for the tornadoes to disappear and to not touch town and as one touched down in our backyard, it immediately disappeared.  My reaction was to shout “Amen” over and over.

I woke up startled, partially wanting to go back to sleep right away to try to re-enter the dream and partially trying to stay awake because the dream was scary at moments.  I did not fall back asleep because I thought about the parallels of the dream to my life and my faith journey.  What are the storms in my life?  What has come close to touching down and potentially “destroying” me? What prayers has God answered or messes has He cleaned up? And am I remembering to pray through my problems, “storms”, giving thanks to God after?

My faith journey most recently has brought me to a new city, which at times has been uncomfortable, and because I have not worked since my husband and I have moved, a squeeze has been put on our finances.  This is one area of my life that has been cloudy with a chance of thunder, rain, hail, tornadoes, and sometimes partly sunny.  Time and time again I have felt a squeeze on my finances and time and time again, miraculously, some money has arrived or come through to take care of the immediate needs.  This past weekend a situation escalated (emotionally in the flesh) and within 24 hours a solution was provided and finances were made available to take care of our immediate needs.  I spent several hours praying, and literally crying out to God, talking with Him and thanking Him for all He’s done in my life.  My conversation continues to ask for guidance to grow and not continually come to my Father for “bail out”, but as the storm comes through, the tornadoes spawn, almost touch down and then disappear.  I am becoming more cognizant in my spirit to thank God not only privately, but to share with others all God has done for me in times of dispair, when a storm hits.

Many more concerns consume my brain as again, we are on a faith journey that has lead us to a new city, new jobs, new friends, new church, etc. and in this season we are living with our church receptionist.  Thank God for Mrs. Trotter, who has opened up her home to us and welcomed us with open arms.  I am expecting a baby later this year, so naturally as a new mama, I long for a place of our own and my brain automatically analyzes how that will happen, usually leaving me in dispair, so I stop thinking about it. But this morning it was clear to me, its everything in my life that does not make sense logically, things that I have in my heart, but those thoughts and feelings and ideas that leave me perplexed and sometimes upset when I try to “figure it out” that are the the God factor things that lie in miracle territory.  These are the things I need to learn to pray through, let go of and let God work, and not just praise Him, but praise Him so others can hear me.  Its the storms in life I have no control over that God has a perfect plan and purpose for in my life.

You Know You’re Married When:

The Ring

Probably one of the most recognized symbols of marriage is the ring.  Women typically wear an engagement ring, then a wedding band after the nuptials and the man wears a band on his ring finger.

My husband’s first wedding ring (yes, there have been more than one in 5 short months) cost us a whopping $6.97 from Amazon.  It was cool- a black spinner ring (my husband fidgets, so the spinner ring is perfect).  Because my husband fidgets and plays with his ring, he anticipated losing his ring at some point and it happened.  He was on a production set a couple months ago and lost his ring.  (Good thing we paid less than $10).

When my husband left the house the next day without his ring, I had a pang of hurt or some feeling that jabbed me in the side.  Knowing we would order another ring, I didn’t think much of it…because to be honest, as a woman, I have engrained in my schema/brain that a man does not want to be “marked” as married, hates his wedding ring and will take it off in public anyway.  And for some reason, that schema stopped me from nagging or bugging or even jumping back online and ordering another ring.

Well, we finally took some time together last week and ordered not only one ring, but three rings (for a total of $30.00 including shipping).  My husband received them in the mail a few days later and as he tried each on, he settled on one he was going to wear for the day.  When he put it on, he said, “I am so glad to have a ring again! I’ve missed wearing my wedding ring.”

I stopped dead in my tracks and my heart melted.  For so many years society has told me that a man wants the best of both worlds- option to be single (looking) and happy home life.  But not my man…he loves me not just at home, but through his heart and so much that he wants everyone to know, better yet, for himself the comforts of married life…including the ring!

But each day the Lord pours his unfailing love upon me,
and through each night I sing his songs,
praying to God who gives me life. Psalm 42:8

This will be my most controversial blog to date…I’m not going to dive deep into the issues that arise in this blog (today), but want to focus on prayer and loving people.

Last week I was hired at an extended day school program at one of the local public schools, contingent on a background check, fingerprints, physical with TB results and transcripts.  I do not have medical insurance for the first time in my life, so I searched the state health department webpage for medical clinics accepting walk-ins for individuals without insurance.  The webpage was hopeless and gave me no pertinent information.  Google directed me to clinics that when I arrived on location, were Chiropractic clinics.  Hopeless, I turned to Google once more for an organization I knew would accept me for a physical and TB without having insurance and the means to pay premium price for these simple medical appointments, Planned Parenthood.

When I was a teenager, I went to Planned Parenthood a few times for women’s health services, not procedures.  When I lived in Atlanta for a summer and had no primary caregiver or women’s health specialist, I went to Planned Parenthood for urgent care when I was sick.  My advisor and graduate school professor of public administration was on the National and State board for Planned Parenthood; so my exposure to the clinic is not limited.  I am fully aware of all the services they provide.

My choice to get my physical and TB at Planned Parenthood in Nashville was made after several attempts to find resources limited by my lack of insurance coverage and inability to pay because I have been out of full time, consistent work for over 3 months.  I was now aware of my status discussed on local news, national news, political polls, etc.  I walked into Planned Parenthood for my appointment with a heightened sense of awareness.

I drove into the parking lot, passing through four local church members yelling at me, “Jesus loves you”.  ”Honey, you don’t need to go in there”.  ”Jesus loves you and your baby”.  ”We have another place you can go, where you don’t need to make this mistake”.

My love for the local church runs deep and grassroot campaigns are a favorite, but from my heightened awareness I felt a pang inside…derived from shame, guilt, confusion….then slight anger, for these people didn’t know that I was only going to this clinic for a $20 physical and TB so I could have a job…that would lead to a full-time job…that would lead to insurance.  They didn’t know that I was married, and my husband and I are planning to start a family…that we would welcome a baby and love a baby…not choose to end the life of an unborn child.  They knew nothing about me and my circumstances.  But I chose to say nothing, waving and smiling, thanking them for moving out of the way as I drove into the parking lot.  I parked on the far end corner.

I walked into the clinic, head down because it was cold outside, but also because the yelling across the parking lot did not stop.  A young woman, who looked in her early 20s, walked quickly across the parking lot to catch up to me, so she could enter in the doors with me when buzzed into the building.  As I opened the first set of doors for her, she asked, “Do you work here?”.  Immediately, because now all my senses were alerted, I analyzed why she thought I was an employee.  The thoughts quickly disappeared after I replied and she asked, “Are you also here to get an abortion?” My heart stopped.  This wasn’t about me anymore and how I felt, but now this young woman, who had entered into the parking lot with the same people yelling “Jesus loves you” to her, was asking me, looking at me, waiting on me to answer a question to a controversial procedure that she had alluded to going through with as she entered the same doors as me.  My immediate love for this young woman flooded my heart.  I responded, “no, I am here for a physical; but are you here to have an abortion?”  The young woman replied, “yes”, then stammered a little and said, “well, I should…yes I should just go through with it. I mean I need to.”  My response in this quick interaction of walking through two doors together was, “It is your choice, you will receive counseling with one of their counselors before making your decision”, followed by a smile.  I was holding the last door for her, she walked through, to the desk and was quickly whisked away through doors leading to another part of the building.  When I gave my information and appointment time, I was asked to wait in the waiting room.

I immediately began to pray for the young woman.  I really wish I would’ve reached for her hands and prayed for her in the doorway, but the interaction was so quick an unexpected, that I only offered her the answers to her questions.  My prayer in the waiting room was for this young woman to feel God’s love and hear Him in this tough time of decision making.  I am not sure if she went through with the procedure or not, but my prayer for her was if she did, then she would physically be capable of having a family one day when she chooses to with her husband; that emotionally she would be ok through the mourning and if she feels any shame or guilt, that through Jesus’ love and strength those chains be broken off her life.  I prayed for her to have a God interaction that day.  I prayed for her unborn child.  I prayed for her test to be a testimony to other young woman.  I prayed for the young woman.  I prayed for her, not against her actions, but I prayed for her.

The rest of my time at Planned Parenthood was quick, with a few awkward and aware moments.  I was suddenly aware of the size of the wedding ring on my finger.  I was aware that I walked through different doors to go to the back for my physical than the young woman walked through.  I was aware that I waited in an exam room that was bleek, cold, empty and I could hear every movement in the hallway.  I was aware that the nurse asked me three or four times, “so you just need a physical…like height and weight and blood pressure?”, until I explained to her my circumstances, then she immediately sat down to talk to me about her young children and tell me stories of the funny things her 36 month old had said that morning.  I was aware that the doctor was very quick with me.  I was aware that I was only charged $20 for a physical because I had no proof of income and no insurance.  I was aware that the mom with two children under 5 years old was still sitting in the waiting room when I left.

I avoided the entry driveway; I drove out the back alley when I left.

My planned appointment called for unplanned prayer.  I hope the young woman felt the love of Jesus through my quick interactions and intercession prayer.

Gummy Bears

My husband Christian and I went to the movies last Friday, something we do on a fairly regular basis.  Along with popcorn and a Diet Coke, we shared some Gummy Bears.  I found my attention distracted from the big screen to Gummy Bears; not only was I thoroughly enjoying this treat (after a 21 day fast), but I gained insight to how my husband cares for me….yes, by sharing Gummy Bears.

I like Gummy Bears, but I favor the red Gummy Bears.  My husband learned this recently when we drove across the country munching on snacks.  This particular night at the movies I observed Christian pick up a Gummy Bear, hold it up to the movie screen to determine the color and pop the Gummy Bear in his mouth if it was orange, yellow, green, or white colored.  Every red Gummy Bear he either returned to the bag, or set in my hand.  Now, I was completely distracted from the movie (hence, I can’t remember what we viewed), but Christian was not distracted one moment from the flick.  He was choosing for me the best, discerning what that was the best (red Gummy Bears) and naturally going on with his activities.

I know God speaks through my husband to gain my attention…so I pondered the thought “Does God sort through my life’s Gummy Bears and choose the best for me?”  My answer, absolutely, just as my husband sorted through Gummy Bears.  My husband did not expect anything in return, he didn’t hold it over my head that he was giving up the satisfaction of eating red Gummy Bears, he chose what he thought was best for me.  God is our King who smiles on us, gives us life and the favor is refreshing like spring rain, or Gummy Bears.  (DH Version, Proverbs 16:15).  I’ve discovered how magnificent my life is to have a God who chooses the best for me, who orders my steps, even when I’m not paying attention.  I am blessed to have a God who will sort one by one through life’s Gummy Bears to pluck out the one’s intended for me.
I have also observed that in a bag of Gummy Bears, only about 1/5 are colored red, by far not the majority.  I believe God’s will for our best is at the right time, and in the right moments, for if we eat red Gummy Bears all the time, we will get a tummy ache.  (DH Version, Proverbs 25:16).
<3 DH

Today needs to be a FUN post!! This is my first winter in the south (I grew up in Iowa and spent the last 8 in Chicago).  Chicago Public Schools NEVER ever ever had a snow day, even though I traveled 22 miles from Wrigleyville to Wild Hundreds (107th/Torrence) to teach by 8am and my car was buried!! Ahhh…I really do miss the city! lol…so I am dreaming about what I would do on a day like today in Chicago where 20 inches of snow fell, CPS is CLOSED, and 7 feet of snow drifts are hiding cars…….

On this Snow Day I would….

Sleep in!! (duh..)

Catch up on Laundry (ok, now I’m boring myself)

Dig through my closets to find the warmest (and ugliest) outfit to go outside…(and yes, my room would look like a tornado hit it, and it would probably take me til another snow day to put it all back in order)

Wear long johns, knee socks, sweat pants, jogging pants (you know..the slicks), a tank top, long sleeved shirt, sweatshirt, puffy coat, hat, scarf, mittens, another pair of wool socks and my Nike boots (hmmm…I wonder where those are anyway…)

Go outside and discover my car buried, but I strategically decide not to unbury my car yet because:

1. A snowplow is just going to come back around and re-bury it

2. The people who own the cars in front of me and behind me are cleaning off their cars and clearing the parking space (which in girl terms means I can start my car, turn the heat on full blast for an hour so I don’t have to scrape the windows, then drive my car out over my mound of snow with some rocking back and forth and gunning it with a little dash of tires spinning, then get out of the spot through the traction of their nice cleared spot).

Walk to the nearest friends’ house or meeting place and because we are so bundled up, walk to the nearest open coffee shop or lunch place…

Go back home and make some chili in the crock pot for dinner.

Pray for another Snow Day because its getting dark and I still have my car to deal with.

Disclaimer:

All fun n’ games aside, I was following the news of cars stranded on Lake Shore Drive, tweets of friends who were stuck in their cars and now having to find them today in the middle of the road, and reports of lost heat and electricity.  I am praying for safety, warmth, and lots of energy to dig out of the blizzard 2011.

To all my teacher friends and colleagues…enjoy your Snow Day…this may never happen again in Chi-town!!

<3 DH