I’ve been thinking a lot about superheroes lately. I don’t know if it’s because I’ve watched The Incredibles a thousand times this winter or if I am trying to figure out how to feel like Super Woman again.
At the end of this month, I’ve been pregnant and/or breastfeeding for 36 consecutive months. My body hasn’t been my own in three years. I don’t feel normal.
I’ve repeated time and time again to my husband, “I just want to feel normal again.” And added in, “I just want to feel pursued again like when we were dating.”
So I began down this road of what qualities I believed Super Woman should have.
- She is respected.
- She establishes and keeps her boundaries.
- She is confident.
- She is comfortable in her own skin.
Somewhere along the way of changing diapers and nighttime nursing, I felt like I had lost these characteristics. I longed to feel like the woman who captivated my husband; before marriage and children, and I assumed my previous behaviors in our relationship were directly tied to the characteristics above, and the shift I’ve experienced disqualified me from wearing the Super Woman cape anymore.
I shared my thoughts with my husband, who helped me adjust my perspective, and my cape that I thought I had left behind smacked me in my own face with these thoughts:
- I will never be “normal” again. This is my new normal until it changes again! I have children. I am married. My body will never be the “normal” I once knew, but a new normal. I am still Super Woman.
- Mine and my husband’s relationship has changed because my role has changed from girlfriend to wife, now to mom and partner. I am Super Woman.
- My boundaries have shifted and changed because my worth has changed. My worth is centered in Christ, and is not attached to who I was but whose I am. I am Super Woman!
- The confidence I had over three years ago was a facade, or exactly what I needed for that time. When we were dating, my (now) husband would show up to take me on a date to wine and dine me, and he only saw me at my “best” – dressed, shoes on, make-up done and ready to go! Now, he sees the mom-side, that doesn’t always feel comfortable in my own skin. He sees the outpouring of mommyness to our girls and the little I have left for me. He sees the sweatpants. He sees how my body has changed after having two children. He accepts the times I don’t feel confident because I’m stepping into new territory, and knows I will regain it again. I am Super Woman!
- I thought my Super Man wanted the younger, “single,” confident, Super Woman back. But I was mistaken. This version of Super Woman is better – sweatpants and all.
- I gave ZERO credit, thought, or consideration to the Super Man; my husband has grown into – dad, provider, confidant, and leader. He’s the best version of himself right now. While the days of dating were fun, our best quality time is with our family, and the money spent on wining and dining then is now spent on diapers for two! I am Super Woman, and he is Super Man!
- So God created human beings in his image. In the image of God, He created them. He created them male and female. (Genesis 1:27) My relationship with God has changed over the last several years. I’ve grown closer to Him, and He’s changed me from the inside out. Similar to how my relationship has changed with my husband, my relationship has transformed with God. I’m not trying to “date” God as I did when I first met Him. I’ve changed how I approach Him and what I “allow” Him to see. I’m thankful He’s not asking for that earlier version of me back either. Thank God He loves and has designed me to be the Super Woman I am today.
Today, I put on my wash n’ wear, kid-friendly cape stained with baby food and boogers. It’s not as shiny and new as the old one, but this cape snuggles my babies for comfort and to sleep; it wipes their tears, welcomes my husband home after a long day at work, and comforts me as I grow. I am SuperWoman.
